Naruto Kitsune of Inari
by Doomsought
Summary: The kyuubi decides that a baby's mind is boring, so he revives Naruto's past lives. Deals are made, with a relevant god involved, and fate is shrugged. Some cursing and childish humor.
1. A deal is struck

The nine tailed kitsune was bored.

He was stuck in an infant s head, and there is not much that goes about in such a thing. He poked his tails past the seal into the infant to see if there was anything at all he could use to entertain himself. Whence he got to the child s soul he finally found something. The child was a reincarnation.

While not as common as some mortals may think, reincarnation is not rare either. Most cases are playthings of this god or that power. He poked it a few more times and got some feedback; it had only two past lives, not all that surprising; and its past lives were of a male mage of some sort and a hermaphrodite Ki adept. That was definitely interesting.

The demon fox took a few hours to reconnect the past energies with the present, and a few more to make sure they would not atrophy before the child s had become developed enough to use them. By the time he was ready to reconnect the memories, both of life and death, the consciousness of the child was before the seal.

"Now, let s see who you are"  
Snap.  
"I am Harry potter... I am Ranma satomne... I am ... alive again? That bitch!"  
"Let me guess, fate?"  
"Yup."  
"How bad did she screw you over?"  
"Each life I'm fated to be a selfless, but stupid hero and die by the hands of my wife... hey, wait a moment. Who are you and haw am I alive again?"  
"I am the Nine tailed kitsune of this world, and the demon lord of the forests in this contentment that the humans call the land of fire."  
"Huh. So why am I talking to you?"  
"You were reborn into the infant that was used to seal me when madr..."  
"Go on. Why were you sealed in me."  
"Madra used my gifts to him to make me attack a human settlement."  
"Hah. Usually it s the human that gets screwed over."  
"He's more like a hell spawn that I ever was."  
There was a lenghy pause, the nebulous choice of a mortal "sat" across the seal from the fox demon.  
"Then you'd belong to Inari?"  
"I am a nogikitsune, but I do have a connection to the god."  
"Can fate steal a kitsune from Inari?"  
"No. Why would you ask such a thing?"  
"I want out of fate's hands and I'm willing to make a deal if it would work."  
"A deal?"  
"Are you powerful enough to transform me into a kitsune, so that I would belong to Inari, and not fate?"  
"Perhaps... but it would require payment. To both me and Inari."

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Late in the night, after the Fire Shadow deposited Naruto at the orphanage, all of the ninja in the village felt a terrible chakra. To their combined horror, a massive red nogikitsune rose from the orphanage. But to their combined confusion, it was short one tail (Such is the kind of detail Ninja are trained to notice), and fled without any property damage, other than several hundred gallons of fox piss in the uchiha baths.

Not a single person in kanoha, neither ninja nor civilian, noticed a single white fox kit also flee from the orphanage, and make its way to an Inari shrine on a farm rode a short way from kanoha.

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The ninja of kanoha maintain the conviction that the Yondimine defeated the kyuubi, and that it gave up one of its tails to escape and slinked away in defeat.

The farmers surrounding kanoha tell a very different tale. They speak of how Inari cut off one of the Kyuubi's tails and how it became the white tailed fox that frequents the local shrines.

Though these two stories sometimes caused drunken arguments in kanoha bars, none except those who already knew of the fact ever paused to think that both tales are true in a sense. Only Sarutobi ever worried of what happened to the infant Naruto. /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\  
Authors note: those are cameos, not crossovers. This is going to be about a kitsune going a-pranking.  
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	2. The hyuga get a new pet

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Sturgeon's Law and Crapfic Productions present:  
NarutoKoI-Ch:2 \/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/

The Kumo ninja was laughing in his head. It was a win-win situation, either he gets the Hyuga bloodline into Kumo, or if he gets caught and killed, the weak Kanoha ninja will give in and make reparations.

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Naruto had a wonderful Childhood as an Inari-Kitsune. He could always count on getting fed offerings at a shrine, or if things were a bit scarce he could stun a bird and eat it. He was currently in Kanoha on a pranking expedition; it was always fun to trip up ninja.

He spotted something odd, a foreign ninja with a bag. He could feel the evil intent and greed wafting of the ninja, and simply couldn't let the creature get away with anything on his watch. A simple stunning spell from his tail stopped the ninja cold. Naruto walked up to the ninja's face and stared into his eyes, looking a bit deeper with his mind magic. Horrible kidnapping, a fate worse than death, and betrayal even if defeated. Naruto did not bother learning the details of the ninja's plan, simply that the ninja knew that the fate of his victim was worse than death was enough.

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Hinata woke partially when she felt the bag wrestle and open. When she felt something lick her face she opened her eyes to see the face of a kitsune, white as silk with sky blue eyes. She was only awake enough to murmur "Cute" and gather the fox closer to cuddle with.

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Hiashi Hyuga caught up with his daughter's kidnapper only to find the Kumo ninja limp as a rag. Approaching carefully, he poked the downed ninja only to him literally boneless.

Hiashi then turned to the bag that must contain his daughter; he opened it to find his daughter to holding a pure white kitsune. He blinked and turned back to the ninja. There wasn't any blood on the ground, and he certainly knew of no Jutsu that could rip out some one's bones without blood loss. He turned back to the fox in his daughter's arms.

"A blessing?"

Some branch house Hyuga ninja caught up. He glared at their lateness.

"Check the ninja over completely then turn him over to Ibiki."

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The next morning Hiashi entered his daughter's room to find an elaborate Inari shrine covering one of the walls. Frowning, he stepped back out of the rooms.

"Have any servant entered the room this morning?"

"No sir, no one has entered her room since you deposited her back after the incident. we even activated our Byakugan periodically." One of the door guards replied.

"Then check again."

"By the Kami. It s even filled with... half chakra?"

Hiashi then activated his bloodline as well, to see that the shrine was filled with energy, like a chakra construct. But the energy was of... a color, he could tell that it was not chakra.

"a confirmed Inari-Kitsune"

Ninja knew such things did exist, like the Biju, but were rarely religious. He had never heard a report of a god's servant that could be confirmed, not like this.

A branch messenger ran up to him.

"Hyuga-sama. We have initial reports back on the kidnapper. All of the bones in his body are gone, and his rib cage was replaced by cartilage just strong enough to allow him to breath."

"And how did this happen to him?"

"The last thing he remembers before waking up in interrogation was a white fox. Ibiki is concerned that..."

"Tell Ibiki that the white fox is confirmed."

"Yes, Sir."

The messenger ran off.

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Hinata giggled; Hiashi frowned. Hinata had inherited her mother's shyness and would rarely make any noise other than the meek squeaks that girls sometimes made. Until her guardian fox showed up.

The creature had gone out of its way to teach her confidence, and a few other skills. First it would provoke her to laugh with its pranks, and punish anyone who teased her too much. Now it had tempted her into aiding its pranks several times. But still, Hinata only giggled when the fox was doing something, and thus Hiashi's frown.

He carefully to his sides, as the fox could suppress its energies completely, and then bellow at his meal.

The fox was pissing in his tea cup. There was no other way to say it.

Hiashi deftly grabbed the cup and dumped it on the fox. The creature stood still for a moment in surprise, until Hinata broke into more giggles. The fox shook its head and began to wipe its wet fur clean on Hiashi's Kimono.

"Gah" He stood up at the fox ruining his good cloths and tripped over his brother who was too busy laughing to get out of the way.

The servants sighed in the background, and were glad that they were able to get the best ways to clean off the smell of fox piss from the Uchiha servants.

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Hiashi approached the clan council chamber thoughtfully. The clan council had been harassing him over Hinata. Not only was she a weaker fighter than her cousin Neji, but also, mostly due to the fox, her conduct had been found unbecoming to the Hyuga clan.

But he had an ace up his sleeve, he had spotted that troublesome fox.

"Fox. This is your fault. You're coming with me."

The kitsune looked at him expectantly, but Hiashi merely continued to walk on to the Council chamber. The elders glared at him at his arrival.

He stood though their harrowing list of complaints, grievances and reports, until it was his turn to speak on the matter.

"While you may have the authority to pass any number of punishments on her, I doubt we truly have the power to enforce them past her guardian."

"You truly believe that an Inari-Kitsune is protecting her? The gods are not active in this world, it s just a nin-fox from..." The elder paused as he feelt a weight on his head; Hiashi merely raised an eye at the fox. He was more used to the creatures vexatious antics than the cloistered elders.

Thinking he could solve the problem in an instant, the elder wordlessly brought his hand up over his head to strike the fox down with a Juken blow.

The fox jumped over the strike and lightly hit the desk, barely making a sound.

It smirked at him.

The Hyuga elder barely restrained himself from screaming with rage. He silently activated his bloodline, stood toppling his chair, and began to attack the fox in earnest. His strikes hit an invisible barrier until the fox twisted, jumping through a hole in the air.

Very briefly he saw the chakra of his own ass through the hole, then he felt a breeze, and saw the fox behind him. Before he could turn, the creature squeezed through another hole in the air and was gone.

He could no longer suppress his rage and screamed.

Hiashi on the other hand could sort things out more reasonably. On the good side, he now understood why his daughter laughed at the fox, and boy was it good to be on this side of the mischievous creatures pranks. On the other hand, he had the misfortune to see one of the elder's unclothed buttocks, a terrible sight indeed. 


	3. Messing with kakashi

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Naruto approached the ninja academy. He often visited the school, it was a good base for his pranks and also a good source of information. The children loved his visits. Not only did they accept him pranking them with good humor, but he sometimes gave them pranking supplies just to see what they would do. He would never forget the time he gave a small group of kids ten thousand Dixie-cups and five gallons of each piss, week old un-refrigerated milk, and the school cafeteria s meat sauce. It took a jounin's fire-jutsu to get rid of the meat sauce stains. Hinata has surprised him when he had given her a dozen rolls of duck tape, four gallons of 5% urisol oil, and fifty conjured vials that would disappear after four hours according to a note he left her. Mizuki still compulsively scratched himself. Naruto's favorite surprise from the kids was when he had given Shino Aburame a high volume airbrush kit and a rappelling rig. He had covered one of the school walls with a surprisingly well done image of a nude Anko. The biggest surprise what that once she found out, she wouldn't let anyone take it down.

No one had succeeded yet.

He watched the jounin-senseis take away the graduating class, and chose his next target.

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Naruto watched Kakashi cruelly fail his students with a test far beyond what should be expected of them. His bell test had far too many layers of trickery for the adolescents to be expected to pierce, even if they were ninja. Especially given the content of academy training.

Naruto snuck into the asshat's house before while he gave his report to the Hokage. As the fox snuck around he realized something that was truly profound: Kakashi was the most monumental and pathetic pervert in Kanoha. The perve hade a whole library dedicated to porn, most of it Icha-Icha. He had multiple copies of many of those, and some of the others as well. Naruto had his mark.

Slowly, Naruto transfigured each and every volume in the library so that the center third of its pages were replaced with hardcore yaoi.

The perve would suffer.

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Kakashi walked through Kanoha's streets ignoring the all women glaring at him as he read Icha-Icha Triplets.

He turned a page.

He saw something horrible beyond his imagination, a blasphemy beyond all doubt and something he never wished to see on his life. Upon seeing his precious lesbian triplet incest action replaced by hairy men, he screamed. The character of the sound was remarkably similar to that of his teammate, Rin's voice when she discovered him peeping on her. He threw the violated volume away from himself and shakingly set it on fire while literally crying at his loss.

When he discovered his other books had likewise been altered his screams of anguish were heard across Kanoha, and ANBU flooded his house mistaking it for screams of a legitimate tragedy.

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Naruto had heard that Kakashi had finally accepted a genin team. Perhaps the asshat had learned a lesson. Whatever the reason Naruto was curious and decided to snoop on the team training.

Naruto slid through the underbrush, only making the leaves to rustle when the wind also did so. He peaked his head out through the fronds of a large leafed grass that had leaves so light they looked white against the darker vegetation around it.

There were the three of the team but not Kakashi: An Uchiha, a boy with long brown hair, and a girl with long pink hair. The girl probably had a fox among her ancestors to have the coloration. Maybe he should check on her later.

He waited.

He waited some more.

After fifteen minutes he came out and rubbed the girl's ankles like a cat. She squealed, bragged about how cute he was to Sasuke, the Uchiha kid, and sat down to scratch his ears. Smart girl.

Naruto fell asleep thirty minutes later.

He woke up, and the kids were still waiting. What. The. Hell? Did Kakashi get maimed? It had been nearly an hour since he started his nap. Naruto yawned and slid back into the underbrush.

Seven minutes later Kakashi finally showed up. He said that he got lost on the road to life, but Naruto could smell that he'd been wanking off even twelve meters away. Did the perve even wash his hands?

Kakashi perfected his status as a complete looser in Naruto's mind by only taking an hour to give the kids a weak teamwork lesson, and then hunt down a cat for a D-rank. The failure didn't even try to make a lesson out of the mission. He then left the girl and brown haired boy to spar with each other, like they were advanced enough to get the full benefit of a spare without supervision. They weren't, and merely yelled at each other after they got frustrated.

Naruto followed Kakashi and the Uchiha into the next clearing of the training area. Kakashi was giving the boy some slightly better training.

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Naruto came back after visiting a few shrines to find Kakashi was still training Sasuke. However his porn was surprisingly put away. Naruto took it as inspiration. If he was going to display his favoritism so blatantly, why can't Naruto give Sasuke a reason for it.

Getting the book from Kakashi's jacket, without the ninja noticing would be incredibly difficult. So Naruto cheated, he put a notice-me-not effect on the book in kakashi's pocket, and then transfigured a blade of grass so that it had the same cover as kakashi's book, but was filled with youi/shota porn. When Kakashi shushined out, Naruto dropped the book on the path out of the training area, with a reverse-notice-me-not targeting Sasuke.

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A week later, Naruto decided to check on team Kakashi again. In between visits to Inari shrines he saw that it was much the same as before, except Sasuke looked at Kakashi worriedly whenever he thought his sensei wouldn't notice. It wasn't the blow up he'd hoped for, but maybe with a 'little' push...

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Kakashi was not truly paying attention to people as he walked. He long ago learned that most people would avoid him while he was blatantly reading porn while walking down the street. Then he bumped into some one. The soft flesh and telltale squeak told him it was a girl. He put his book the side to look at the girl now sprawled in the street; she had some pretty messy hair, it looked like bed head even though it was five in the afternoon. However it matched the grunge look she had going pretty well. Her tattered shirt showed off her belly and her pants hugged tightly in those places it wasn't legal for them to have holes worn in them.

In her hand however was a volume of the Icha-Icha series.

"You're a fan too!" She leered at him with a perverse smirk.

He could only reply by giggling perversely and leering back. He gave her a hand so she could stand back up, then she looked him over twice.

"You'll do." Her smirk got bigger, and then she turned around, while still looking at him. "I like to play games." She then slapped herself on the ass. "I'll only let you have some if you can catch me!" She winked then took off.

No way in hell was he going to let a chance like this get away from him. /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\

Naruto carefully led Kakashi to the Uchiha district. Between giving Kakashi sightings, 'she' aperated to the district to zero in on Sasuke's position. Once 'she' got Kakashi a block from the district 'she' confounded Sasuke and put a glamour on him so he looked like 'her'. With a final wink 'she' lead Kakashi into the district and left things to go on their own. He assumed his normal fox form and made his way back to the Hyuga district. Hinat was making Aburaage.

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	4. Tsunade's punishment

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As Naruto patrolled the shrines of Fire country, he came upon a drunken woman, a Kinochi by her dress and ability to create craters with her fists, destroying a Sake-bar. The brewers and owners of the bar made frequent offerings to the local temple and so Naruto felt compelled to stop the woman s reckless destruction of property.

A red light flew from one of the white fox's tails to the woman; she immediately fell to the floor with a dull thud.

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Shizune huddled in a corner, morbidly embarrassed by her sensei. Tsunade, not only drunk off her ass with four bottles of sake in under an hour, had received some very poor pick up lines from other drunks in the bar. It set her off. Now she was screaming a fit about perverts while breaking things and people.

Then, with a red flash, the boozer princess dropped to the floor. Shizune ceased moping in her corner and ran out to check on Tsunade. The dark haired apprentice found the legendary sucker to only be passed out, to her relief.

From the corner of her eye, she caught movement. She only saw a white, fluffy blur run into the gates of a nearby shrine and disappear.

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Naruto appeared at a shrine to find a stream of pee. Indeed, the same blond boozer he stunned a week ago had got drunk enough to piss on a shrine. If the rumors her heard on his last few patrols were accurate she was Tsunade, the "Legendary Sannin". He cut off the golden shower by transfiguring the woman into a walking catfish.

After considering for a moment, he decided that experiencing life as an air breathing fish for a week should be punishment enough. He carefully dropped the fishy boozer in Shizune's lap.

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Shizune watched a white Kitsune walk fearlessly up to her and deposited a fish in her lap. She blinked in surprise at the wiggling and unharmed catfish. Then hers sensei's necklace fell onto the table. And with growing horror she watched as the rest of Tsunade's possessions were deposited by the fox. She remembered hearing rumors of an Inari Kitsune coming to live with the Hyuga. Struck mute with dread, she pointed at the Necklace and then to the fish.

The fox nodded and she spoke her first word since seeing it. "Fuck"

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The Jousei clan had been brewers for generations, the family annals of their brewery tracked back to before the founding of the fire country. And through their entire recorded history they have always maintained a temple to the rice god, Inari. Even during the Great Ninja Wars they would hire mercenaries to protect the shrine and its priests from attack.

Now, Tsunade had drunk over fifty liters of their finest whine, while patronizing a local gambling den. And then she had run out on her debt.

The head of the Jousei clan waited in the temple. It was the day of week that the Inari kitsune usually visited the temple. He closed his eyes as he placed another origami offering on the altar. When he opened his eyes he saw the kitsune.

"Kitsune-sama. I ask for the blessing of Inari, that divine vengeance comes upon the Kinochi Tsunade, who has reneged her debts to our house, and alludes all debt collectors."

Naruto knew that both this family had the favor of Inari, and Tsunade had his patron god's disfavor already. He was quite willing to take up the task.

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A week after the Sake Brewer's curse, Naruto had tracked down and studied Tsunade enough to plan a suitable punishment for her. Even though she appeared young and beautiful, bellow that illusion she was terribly aged. The was obviously vein, and a poor gambler.

He approached his patron god. "Inari-sama, I wish for you to provide me with some cursed rice wine to punish a mortal. She is extremely vain and..."  
As Inari listened to Naruto, he remembered why he adopted the Kitsune as his messengers, between bouts of laughter. They were such entertaining tricksters.

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A well kept blond man approached Tsunade and Shizune as they are resting in a clearing. He is smiling like the proverbial devil.  
"I have heard of you. I have an offer for you, the like of witch few would refuse."  
Tsunade looked at him skeptically. Shizune finally responded with the expected sarcasm, "Really?"  
He presented a bottle. "I have acquired some cursed sake. Whomever would drink it would be returned to the prime of their youth."  
"Do you have some proof with that?" She was choking down laughter.  
The man raised his eye brow and turned to walk away slowly. He approached an ancient and gnarled tree. With a flick of his thumb, the bottle opened. He poured a small amount of the wine on the tree's root. The tree brightened, shifted and became a healthy sapling.  
"KAI!" Shizune attempted to dispel a genjutsu that did not exist.  
Tsunade stood there for a second, her mouth opening and closing silently. "I'll take it!"  
"Good"  
Tsunade took the bottle, and drank a sing cup of it near instantly.  
"Ah, yes. But I almost forgot to say. The wine also carries a terrible curse. As a punishment for the vanity of any who would attempt to regain their youth, those who drink it will be made to show their body. Indeed, if anyone were to drink the full bottle, cloths would disintegrate at their touch and armor would rust away instantly."  
The man walked into the forest, and disappeared from the stunned ninjas' senses completely. Then Tsunade's breast fell out of her shirt. 


End file.
